Friday, April 30, 2004
why is it so dat everytime when you put in so much effort in something and turn out to get nothing while those who don't gets everything?
life.
im so damn pissed wif da kinda life im leading right now.
just cant get it right.
10:10 PM
stressed!
had 2 tests today..
wasnt prepared for any at all..
just went there to gif it a try...
unexpectedly... i believe i did better in maths den accounts..
mite even fail my a/c paper this time..
left all my format in skool n cudnt even revise for it..
sighz.. gotta work doubly hard for my mid yr ya..?
hrmms.. lifes bored.
com's gonna be dead soon too..
guess i'll be saving hard to buy a new monitor n an additional removable drive to store all my mp3s.. ;)
im really so tired..
had my medical checkup today..
as usual.. nurse told mi dat im running frm low blood pressure..
sigh. wad2do..? been trying hard 2 consume meat, veg n lotssa lotssa fruits..
but..it still turns out this way..
no training 2molo.
its gonna be labour day.
rest well all... ;)
7:44 PM
Tuesday, April 27, 2004
a short day.
life's been bad.
guess my com got infected with some virus again.
kinda pissed.
just too lazy to scan for viruses n clean it..
everything in my life seems to be tearing apart.
doesnt seemed 2 be able 2 suceed in any part of my life anymore.
just a useless crapper.
been planning so much for my mid-yr exams.. but..
seems dat nothing have been put into action..
sighz.. wad 2 do..?
im just another lazy bum..who dreams all day long.
i seemed 2 be leading a much diff life like wad i did in the past.
the type of ppl i mix wif.. the things i do..
so unlike mi yah..?
hais. guess i've just fallen frm da highest cliff.. into the deepest ocean..
just cant find myself back animore yeahz..?
just wanna leave a note to thank my dearest darling buddy..
thanks lots sweets... u pulled mi up. ;)
8:12 PM
Monday, April 26, 2004
she refused to take her dinner.
mum, sis, aunt, cousins n everyone else tried to persuade her.
but she just simply reject.
god..
is this how u're gonna torture mi?
damn.
9:15 PM
How much do you believe in fate? Read this in an email and I think its rather interesting.
There was a scholar who was to marry his fiancée, but on the day of marriage, his fiancée changed her mind and married someone else. The scholar was devastated and fell ill. His family seek all kinds of medical treatment for him, but still he showed no sign of recovery. They were about to give up hope on him when a wandering monk passed by. After learning about the scholar's condition, the monk walked to the scholar's bed and took out a mirror for the dying man to see. In the mirror, the scholar saw a vast ocean, and the naked body of a murdered woman lay on the beach. A man passed by, looked at the body, shook his head and left. Another man who passed by saw the body, took off his robes to cover the body and left. Finally came a man passing by who saw the body, dug a hole and laid the body carefully to rest before burying it.
The scene in the mirror suddenly changed. The scholar saw his fiancée in a nuptial chamber and another man was lifting her wedding veil. The scholar blinked at the monk, confused.
Slowly the monk explained, "The woman whose body you saw on the beach
was your fiancée in her previous life. In your previous life, you were the second man who gave her his robes to cover her body. To repay your kindness in this lifetime, she loved you for a period of time and became your fiancée. However, ultimately the man whose favor she has to return for the rest of her life is the third man who buried her. And that man is now her husband."
Enlightened, the scholar sat up and recovered from his depression. It is truly amazing -- this thing called "Fate". There was a movie in which the theme song went like this: "You can say it is a big world, you can say it is a small world. But for the promise of this lifetime, we shall spend our entire lives to fulfil."
All of us are in this big grand masquerade, among the throng of people, we seek expectantly, in that electrifying moment when our fingers touch, the masks are removed to reveal our true selves. Before this moment, we were drifting aimlessly, not knowing what we really wanted. Till you meet this particular person, you finally realize what you really want is not what you have wished for in the first place. It amazes you that standing in front of this person is a different you! You without any mask!
Fate is not something meant to be forced upon. What is yours will eventually come to your arms; what is not yours will never come to be. In any case, we should not lose heart and give up on our hopes for love that is true, good and beautiful. The value of life, in a certain sense, is determined by the maturity of how we love. Of how we give and accept love.
Treasure what you have.
Time is too slow for those who wait;
Too swift for those who fear;
Too long for those who grief;
Too short for those who rejoice;
But for those who love,
Time is Eternity.
9:14 PM
gees.
just worked out my targetted marks for coming mid-yr.
it aint a joke anymore.. well..
i just gotta tell myself 2 push a little harder n hit 'em ya?
n peeps reading this post..
u better hit high too! ;)
well.. accompanied her for ard an hr in da hospital..
everything was like so quiet..
i had this fear in mi.. dat i'll lose someone close 2 mi once again..
hais. save mi frm these torturings manz..
at times.. i still gotta act as if nth has happened..
n put on dat mask.. its really terribly bad.
had my physics test 2day..
though aint really sure of some ans.. but i guess im sure i'll pass it yeah?
;) time to fetch my fattie cousin..
blog in laterss~
6:09 PM
Sunday, April 25, 2004
The Past. And the past it will remain.
Sweet, beautiful, sick or shit.
Bitter reality, that if ever changes,
Forever bears an ugly scar.
Take heed, my dear friend,
That the only thing to be done is
to brace yourself for the future.
The Future. However uncertain, but yet,
Chance favours a prepared mind.
Be it pain or joy or even nothing at all,
Look each new day in the eye.
If love comes, then welcome it
Turn our own expectations and empty hopes away at the door.
No expectations then no disappointments.
The Past has two faces- the beautiful and the ugly.
Of the Ugly, be glad that only in the past they exist.
Only up to you not to step in the same dark trenches
-Ever again.
Remember them well,
But never upon them .. dwell.
7:25 PM
come to think of it.
human beings are actually very ugly..
not in the sense of outlook.. but da nature everyone has i believe.
had a childish "fight" with ben last nite.
wasnt in great mood.. wad 2 do?
he stepped on my nerves n used da word "fuckers" to describe my class..
was trying hard to forget bout all my woes n came online to chat ard...
but he turned everyting over.
i believe i was at fault too to quarrel. but has he ever thought dat everyone commit mistakes?
yeahh.. i gotta admit most of my classmates copied.
but.. does it really concerns him? dunno why guys love bitching ard though.
wanted very much to tell him dat he's rash. he's hot-tempered. n he's always seeking for trouble in a nice way.
but never anymore.
he's one who does not appreciate other's insult n seek for the better self.
he's one who tink da world is his..
remembering him telling mi.. " do tell mi if i've changed "...
pride is no reason for him to do all these..
guess i just gotta treat it as i've never known someone like him..
misunderstandings, displeasures had gotten da both of us apart.. n i had enuff.
not anymore.
i became short-tempered towards these issues recently..
no idea why too..
life has been terribly bad here.
n its still da same despite hafing to tink of optimistic reasons n excuses for mi 2 breathe on..
everyone around me changed.
including myself.. my frens. my family.
its really scary to live in a world like this isnt it?
12:10 PM
Saturday, April 24, 2004
upon hearing the new of da collapse of nicoll highway days back..
thoughts started flying ard my mind..
search and rescue operations for the last missing person in the nicoll highway collapse site have been called called off. he was da hero of the accident. the one of sacrificed his life and saved 3. i believe many of us might even tink twice or thrice before going back to rescue da rest.. but he didnt! why aint i da one dying instead of a guy like him? sighz..
life was bad.
i guess it's da same for my dear buddiee...
stress is gettin' on all of us now..
but wad 2 do? avoid O'levels?
haix. saw how bad my buddy is feeling yesterday..
but cant do anitingz.. sorry sweets.. wasnt able to help ya..
wanted 2 mk u cry out.. but mission failed.
guess i just aint a great fren.. but..
do tell mi wen ya need a listening ear or a helping hand ya?
Just a random thought.
If given an opportunity, who are the people you wish to apologise to and let them know how sorry you are? They can be friends whom you lost contact with, friends whom you’ll never find them back, your ex partners or probably even people who are still around you. This question just popped into my head and it reminded me of a friend. I wonder what is she doing now.
11:03 PM
Friday, April 23, 2004
"Fate is only an excuse for the unlived life." - Abby Anderson
7:44 PM
Tuesday, April 20, 2004
Days are drawing nearer to my O'level Chinese...
sighz. planning to achieve at least a b3 for it..
so as to be a "back-up" subject if i dun perform well in my other subs..
but it doesnt seems 2 be possible with my rate of work now.. -sighs-
Yeahz.. just chatted with indra online just now.. gees.
well.. he sent mi his recent pic.. n seemed 2 be enjoying himself lotsss over at melbourne.
nothing much 2 blog though.
went to sp 2day for da Y.E.C opening.. damn tiring..
finally ended this toopid project.. *pHewSss*
guess i gotta tuck in early 2nite.. needa wake up at 3.30am 2molo morning to pray my grandpa 2molo.. yaWnsss..
blog in someday laterss~ :P
9:11 PM
Sunday, April 18, 2004
Lately Im tired of being an emotional clutch for many. And Im getting selective of who I give my time to. How many times of emotional setbacks are considered enough to make one cut off from all emotions?
Aint scary how friends hide their broken self so well.. Just when I thought I had almost everything and life has been good, a sense of unfamiliarity overcame me when friends start to unfold their mask. While protecting their own interest, they hurt me unknowingly.
I guess thats human nature afterall.
8:54 PM
Life has never been great. If only i could return to the times when i'm too innocent to understand..
2:31 PM
Thursday, April 15, 2004
emotionally down.
sorry guys. im really not well.
might have raised my voice. ignored u.
im really vex.
wad has gotten onto mi recently..?
-sigh-
had my chinese test today.
doubt can even get a pass.
tried to study.. but cudnt..
just cant focus n concentrate in my studies..
too much distractions..
friends have been calling me to study..
some even started their mid yr preparation..
wad da hell m i doing now man?
just cant figure out where i can go if this continue on..
life. been really bad.
told myself its colourful. its great.
but its all pack of lies.
it just as dull.. as bad.
frens been asking me lots bout love.. bout relationship..
but do they noe how bad i m in these?
well.. guess not. oni a handful understands.
There is no difficulty that enough love will not conquer;
no disease that enough love will not heal;
no door that enough love will not open;
no gulf that enough love will not bridge;
no wall that enough love will not throw down;
no sin that enough love will not redeem...
It makes no difference how deeply seated may be the trouble;
how hopeless the outlook; how muddled the tangle; how great the mistake.
A sufficient realization of love will dissolve it all.
If only you could love enough you would be
the happiest and most powerful being in the world...
~Emmet Fox~
9:47 PM
Monday, April 12, 2004
im troubled.
having the thought of going away from home recently..
cant stand the sight of my sista anymore.
been picking up quarrels with me recently over small matter..
cant be bothered~
just so afraid dat my da jie will move to hostel to stay if she enroles into ntu...
-worried- just dun wanna be left alone to suffer here.. i need support!!!
days are bad.
dat mabel lee dunch allow mi 2 attend that financial course..
all bernard's fault.. *hrmphs*
needa go sp 2molo for a follow-up session for the y.e.c opening..
arghssss...! was left alone wif a bunch of guys in the classroom..
sad. all my frens were up there..except.. ME!
besides... heard from sm dat da game was fun! wth!!!!
*INHALE* *EXHALE*
and yes! BERNARD sent us home!!! haha
but his car got this dog stench... *pUkeSsss*
just got to realised how stress he is over all the deltaian's conduct n stuff..
hey guys! time to buck up..!!! dun mk our poor bernard suffer in dat sch ya?
well.. went to sm's house for a chat will 8 plus today after i fetch my fat cousin.
shared some probs with her n stuff.. definitely felt better after that..
guess dats all so far...?
will be staying over at xm house to study physics 2molo..
doubt will be blogging in then..
cblogya~
cheeriossssss*
9:38 PM
Sunday, April 11, 2004
hey dudes!
do leave some comments on my
chatterbox ya? :P
cheeriosssss*
6:00 PM
ayeeeeeeeeeeeeee..
im red... n soon be dark..
had training yesterday..
kinda tough.. did all those concentration strokes there..
thought could be in doubles wif my ai ai... but..
*aRbiSh*
went to mac 2 dine wif my fellow team mates..
had quite a great laugh over how kenneth "consume" his ice-cream..
had sucha great time wif this grp of friends.
they're simply great!
da juniors are... ummm.. MISCHIEVIOUS!
haha.. wells.. same thought as my buddy..
a really nice noon interacting wif those little juniors..
(especially da cute lil'jovis!!!)
uhh... today is his bdae..
well.. after his death.. aint really in contact wif his family anymore..
his mum rang mi up this morning 2 join them for dinner tonight..
well.. in dilemma whether i shud or shud not go..
so afraid dat it'll bring mi back those memories..
unpleasant ones.. sad.
tell mi what to do aye?
anyway...
anyone interested in goin for a concert at esplanade?
st andrews sec sch's millitary band... its during june..
msn mi if u are eh..? :P
guess i shall end here 1st..
cblogya~
11:51 AM
Friday, April 09, 2004
aye ayeeeeeeeeeeee...
its near 11 now.. guess im gonna zzz soon eh?
yawns.
hafing canoeing training 2molo.. gotta wake up early.
meetin sharon at bmc.. n gonna go down 2 sch 2 mit my
ai ai for lunch b4 goin for training.. guess we've gt lotsss 2 catch up in our lover's boat (hopefully we're in doubles though..)
just realised i need a proper wallet again..
thought after buying this little m]phosis pouch tingie.. i wun squeeze much tings in n mk it look so bulky..
but it seems dat.. it aint organised at all! >_<
well...saw this pierre cardin wallet.. damn nice..
time to save up! :P
so muchieeee tings to pay for this month..
utterly broke...
**note** It's still da start of the month! TERRIBLE!
10:41 PM
its good friday.
which means.. its holiday!!!
gees.
was pretty tired.. slept late n woke up early this morning.
sometimes.. i really hope there are 30 hours in a day.. so i gt 6 more hrs to zZz..
:P
maths weekend homework is terrible..
da teacher is simply rushing!!!
sad. sad. sad. sad. sad. sad.
awww.. seems dat i gt nth much 2 blog in now..
a real boring n tired week for mi..
been hafing bad mood too..
pray tat everyting will be well this weekend.
blog in later..
*yawns*
3:16 PM
Tuesday, April 06, 2004
damn.
super suay day today.
supposed to be studying for my chemistry now..
but my room's light went off.. arghsZ!
today is a pretty short n fast day for mi..
well.. managed 2 pass my chinese this time round..
sounds like some kinda miracle aint? *claps*
hrmms.. other than this.. everything today kinda suck.
inhale.. exhale.. inhale.. exhale..
no effect -.- i'm still damn stressed.
i'm going nutss s00n!!!
11:06 PM
Monday, April 05, 2004
yawns.
its monday.. a boring monday.. tired n worn out..
i guess i just dont have enough rest for the past few days..
da thought of maths, chinese n SCHOOL tomorrow mks mi feel so bad n stressed.
its not a make up story dat ive breathing difficulties during english!
i really haf! well.. i cant stand da way mrs lian is teaching and da pace she's advancing right now.. i cant understand?
feeling so stressed n pissed wenever she bring out the term "summary"
x_X its like.. i just cant understand wad she wants!
she plan lots.. but wad we r capable of accomplishing is oni dat little bit..
science is perhaps also outta my interest.
worksheets keep coming in.. but i just cant find any way to finish them off!
im moving at da back of everyone..
i cant advance at all! im stressed... really stressed.
this school is really terrible.
even da house mistress r putting pressure on us..
terrible.. terrible.. wen can i ever get outta this hell?
8:09 PM
Saturday, April 03, 2004
popo was hospitalised last midnite..
down with some sickness n hafta be there till tue.. prov. if things goes well...
well.. met niven early in da morning for breakfast and went back to school for to complete our noticeboard...
was totally worn out today..
training was like really sick n tiring..
i cud hardly find da motivation n purpose for me 2 continue each stroke..
canoeing to me is a cca.. purely a cca..
not much of an interest anymore.. but somehow.. a commitment to achieve for now.
been a really short day..
spend almost a quarter of da day @ kallang basin.
n wif my darling paddle.
wellsssssss..dats it i guess..
oh ya.. needa thnk my cutebuddy, da handsome n lil'josh for tolerating wif my nonsense some moments ago..
blog in laters~
p.s. pray for matt who's still in da hospital struggling wif his lungs prob.. my popo who's currently hospitalised n... me! im stressed :(
10:16 PM
Friday, April 02, 2004
*gROwLS*
my stomach is growling hard this time..
da pkt of food da sch provided simply s.u.c.k.s!
i oni managed 2 force myself 2 finish less den 1/2 of 'em..
n now.. its at least 4hrs le... no food intake..
gonna faint soon..
quiet. souless. that's my house now.
everyone is still at my grandma's place..
pray that they pack some food back for mi aye? :~~~(
just finished da inter-school debate compy..
well.. its really a worthwhile experience for mi..
school hosted this event n i was forced to be da chairperson..
guess i was da lousiest there -.-"
my house was hosting da 'c' division debate session..
dose debators were IMPRESSIVE.
da way they speak.. awww... i'll never be like them!
well.. life is school passes by very quickly..
its gonna be da start of another weekend soon..
having training 2molo >_<
lol!
hafta log off now..
cblogya. ;)
9:31 PM
Thursday, April 01, 2004
its
APRIL FOOL!
yawns.
was fooled several times today..
went 2 gesps 2 fetch my cousin come to realise dat he din attend sch 2day!!!
awwww~
waste my time oni... (&#*(!@(*^#^@!(*#^!(@*^#!
welll.... everything went pretty well..
was able to survive 4 periods of lian's lesson n 2 hr of lim's lesson.. :P
start 2 catch back my interest in maths.. n hopefully chinese?
n yesh.. i studied for my chinese test leh!!! :P
1 chapter oni... HOWEVER.. aint dat a great start? lols.
gees. hope i can pass this time round.. been slacking too much eh? *sObs*
life in bmss is getting torturing..
its nt a place i wud ever thought of goin to..
n noe i m here.. i feel so uncomfortable..
the things i used to do.. the words i used to speak. aint able to anymore!
even my classmates have changed.. becoming weirdooos.. very slacky.. n etc..
just so unlike them eh?
well.. just to give a thought of my life..
everything has changed..
perhaps those who r regular reading my blog might have simply realised that i've been saying this pretty often..
but i really felt that things r changing each day..
i cant communicate as well as i could in the past to my friends..
my feelings.. just so afraid that they might give negative comments or even mock at mi..
a barrier seems 2 build up between us now..
n its stacking higher n higher.. n i wun be able to reach it soon..
some might find mi toopid.. think too much..
but.. i m perhaps just so different in da way dat.. i'm juz a bitch..
one that does not noe wad's life all bout.
who will want to listen 2 a bitch's thought?
7:34 PM
guess wad?
its 4.46 n i m awake!
*aRbish*
slept very early yesterday..
was totally worn out after my canoeing training.
felt so useless to be unable 2 do standard push ups w/o assist. >_<
attended many sessions of talks by different schools n institution like sajc, np n aaa..
well.... did motivated mi lots.. my MASS COMM..
though i knew it was impossible for me to make it up there..
but.. i really dream to be a journalist in future..
yesh! i love writing lotsss... lotsss!
otherwise.. i wudnt wanna create this blog to write rubbish aint?
hrmms.. juz gotta work a little harder eh?
n oh ya. those who r reading this better push mi a little harder to study hor! :P
sigh... other den mass comm.. i really dunno where my interest lies..
computers? designing? accounts? banking & finance?
awwwwwwwww~ i m at complete loss..
matt will be undergoing an operation today..
hope everything will go well for him..
thought he wud be able to be discharged on sunday..
but .. tings went bad.
anyway..
would love to leave a few messages behind for:
my buddy! hrmms.. dunch always blame urself for tings u've mistaken or done wrongly.. well.. human does mks mistakes.. no1 is perfect.. be a little more confident with urself n say.. i'll not commit the same mistake again.. n dats it. :P n yesh.. nice reading ur blog though ;)
seanKINGwell.. be optimistic! *grinz*
and yes. time to study for my chinese test!
4:55 AM
